Viral Television: Wash the screen with a sanitizer and get rid of the crazy studios.

Good evening. I'm your Menton, and tonight we're here for a very important debate. Do we have any assurance concerning what happened? Or are we wandering in darkness? That's why we called the best sector experts. Virologist Pandora, epidemiologist Pestis, microbiologist Zeiss, football technician Zana and pneumologist Fumacchia. And here on my right are the statistics Gufi, General Ascella expert on bacterial warfare, and Metris geometry expert on measuring and representation of ordinary people. Your word.

Virologist Pandora: The first thing I mean is that the mask is necessary. The fact that we haven't found one in months is proof that it's very precious, or that someone has organized a carnival without us knowing it. The mask protects us from Coddy.

Epidemiologist Pestis: The mask must be held only once, otherwise it will become the nest of bacteria. Either enter a ten - pound [10 kg] of alcohol washing machine or become a further host of infection.

Zeiss: The mask is worth only seven and a half meters of distance, and should not be between obstacles or allegory loads, otherwise it is in vain.

Metris: The mask must be one meter and 723 inches away.

Zanna: Therefore, it is necessary to resume the football championship, since penaltys are hit by 11m and as such are inefficient.

Pestis: Shut up, you and that geometry that don't even come in here, you're idiots. I remind you that the choreography is just some kind of masked flu, every year thousands of elders die, make accounts, and you'll see that the numbers are equal, we're dramatizing because of the dramatizing necrophiles.

Pandora: You're a tired scientist. I remember your experiments connecting bats and frogs and resulting in a Pochemon-shaped virus. I wouldn't be surprised if one of these little monsters got out of your labs.

Ascella: We have evidence that the Chinese possess the bacterial bomb and are ready to invade the world with al vasabi virus. They have a large army. And we stay here and talk like fools.

Mentones: Please don't get mad.

Fumacchia: By the way, I'm reminding you that that scum, Zeiss, said that the virus dies with the heat, while it's already known that the cold bothers it, in Antarctica only found one in the skin of a white bear, while the discotheques of Los Angeles are silent.

Pestis: You're an incompetent man. You always said we should stay at home, but the house is in prison and a hearse of infection. We gotta get out. Anyone can take a plane to Antarctica or Hawaii and take a walk there. He'll feel better.

Mentones: Please. Let's not offer such a painful spectacle to these thousands of doctors and nurses, who daily fight and treat with courage and self - sacrifice this pandemic. We respect them.

Zanna: And they are denied the pleasure of Sunday's football match.

Mentones: Are we getting to the point or not? We're scientists or fortune tellers. And you, Canaria, why are you always silent? When do you predict infection?

Canaria: You called me because I'm a point expert. But I'm talking about pimp in the sense of birds, I'm an ornithologist.

Pandora: That's how you organize the shows, scum. I'll say the last word: Coddy's a Chinese bat cocktail and ketchup, should be locked up in a house at least three-story pool and Domopak device.

Pestis: Koqe, the coronobius is a banal cold pumped by the media, we have to ski by keeping the other skier ten meters away and with the slalom mask.

Ascella: Coronavirus is the fruit of an American-Russian-Chinese plot to conquer Europe and we must wage war on these countries.

Metris: The only protection is to line up in a supermarket with one foot, do good with the flow of blood, never buy fat cheeses, and never crack our heads for the decrees. My grandmother says she's 92.

Mentones: Okay, we finally get a politician's opinion. Dear Salvatore, what should we do?

Salvatore: It's clear to everyone. In the south they breathe a lot, talk a lot, and take a lot of oxygen from the working north. The less breathing and sound, the more consonants and vents, the sound of fatigue. It takes a decree to regulate the breathing.

They burst out with laughter, screaming, and abusive background.

Mentones: Discussion is necessary, even when it is clear that our scientists are already divided by a powerful controversy. Forget this laugh. Wash your TV screens with disinfectant, stay home and go to bed in a Groucho Marx mask. Good night, and most of all, stay home. (From La Repubblica World.al)