“Plumb is better than with the children he saw.. ” confession of Kosovo nana experiencing sexual violence by Serbian paramilitary

With courage and emotion, it shows how she became the victim of war crimes by Serbian paramilitaries, a testimony that brings to light the long and serious psychological consequences of sexual violence in the conflict.

Confession without interference:

It was the blackest day of my life when Serbian soldiers entered the house and I had two little girls, one four and the other two years old. Where they laughed, like it was a movie, not an event that you're destroying someone. Like they weren't human. My guess was that 100% they weren't people. Black day for me and the kids after my whole life changed. I couldn't talk where I couldn't think, because the brain is blocked, he thought only how to save the kids. But how could I escape when I had so many soldiers inside?

I remember when I took the girls into my hands and I couldn't hold them because I thought I wasn't me, I thought I was crazy, I thought all three of us would never be better. When I thought I'd never smile and never get my life back. Until I get to my grave I don't forget it, and again, even there, my body will be on the grave.

I remember when I thought about it and I didn't know if it was okay or bad. I wished God would kill my daughters, then kill me to make sure you didn't leave them behind. When I know your child saw you like that, when you knew that because of your kids as a mother you could've given out voice. When she knows that the bullet is better, much better than seeing your child like that, she said.

Very well did Serbia know that we live as Albanian mothers, that we boast that we are Albanian mothers, we have strong traditions like Albanian mothers, where morality is stronger among Albanian mothers. They knew that if we did this, she would go with generations, that she would carry it to her children. This is total destruction, which I never forgive, ever!

I've always wondered: Am I a good mother? When I was young, I had a strong character as a woman. In the meantime, when I remembered the story, I thought I was raising my children well. I didn't know if I should say yes or no. Although I have been treated with psychologists many times, I still refused. I've been killed a lot. I've been left with great spiritual damage.