Germany: No, no!

Lennart lives in Hamburg. The city has an open sexual culture in Reeperbahn neighbourhood, with pornographic cinemas and prostitution. But 38-year-olds are not impressed. “I find the photos pronographics useless. When I see pictures of women with asses and breasts out, I don't get on my head to go and touch some tits.

To me, these are not very successful ads for something I don't understand.

I don't hate sex, but...

Lennart had noticed from puberty that sex did not attract him as much as others did. As everyone in the class talked about the subject, he did not understand what all the fuss was about. Yet, he too experienced it once. I just don't understand what's so wonderful, or special when you have sex. I can have sex and I don't hate it, but I just don't like it, so I don't have sex.

When you really find the right person...

Akaya grew up in a village near Bielefeld. As a teenager, she wanted to stay away from others. And even though she didn't enjoy sex, she still had sex because of social pressure. And who knows how many times I tell others that I don't like sex or that I don't like sex, but the answer is always the same: When you really find the right person, you will like him and enjoy it! But that never happened to me. ” says Akaya.

Martin doesn't like sex either. And that's since he was young. Because he was not once understanding the cause, he searched for other reasons. I thought I was gay. I thought if the girls didn't pull me out, maybe the boys. Because I thought there was no other reason for every human being to have some kind of sexual attraction. But after a short time I realized it wasn't like that.

Various Faces of Assexuality

In his early 30s, Lennart learned about the existence of astrology. A few years later he told others that he was assexual, and today he lives without sex and without related problems. So Lennart never asked for a classic relationship with a woman, but only companionship.

I feel like someone really like me. But that doesn't make me want to always be with him or start some kind of classic relationship. So when I know someone, I don't care if he's in a relationship. ”

Yeah, sex, no.

Martin's case was different. Though he does not feel sexual attraction, he always wanted a permanent bond. He recognized his wife during a sailing trip in the mid - 20 ' s. For a long time they didn't have sex. People always say that love and sex cannot be separated from each other. But that's completely absurd. There are so many people who have sex without love, or public homes would be wiped out. So why can't love and a relationship between two people without sex work? Sex is not necessary for a relationship. ” says Martini.

Akaya wanted a relationship too. Today she's happy with Marilyn. They do costumes together, but they don't have sex. They were recognized through a website where they both claimed to be assexual and were looking for someone who was also assexual. If I were to date someone who wasn't assexual, I'd have to ask them not to have sex. I don't like that. And since none of us lack sex, none of us make any sacrifices. And that makes me feel better. ” says Marilyn.

Martin and his wife don't miss sex either. She accepts his assexuality. But that doesn't mean they're not intimate with each other. I don't have any problems with my 50s, and I don't even touch my wife. We sleep with each other every night. But that never results, or very, very rarely, actions that can really be called sex. We just don't need sex. And we don't miss at all.

Lennart, Martin, Akaya live up to their assexuality in various ways. What unites all three is that they don't want anyone to explain what intimacy means.