The coming to life of a little brother/minute: how do we manage jealousy?

The coming to life of a child is always a happy event, but it brings with it a series of fine changes, especially for the firstborn who by the arrival of the newborn will feel that they must share attention, which so far had been exclusively for them.

Communication with the firstborn that he will no longer be the only child in the family and that he will soon have a younger brother or sister to play with him may in some cases create enthusiasm, but he often causes jealous mechanisms that can begin from pregnancy and continue for the first years of his new arrival's life.

In fact, the arrival of a new member into the family can cause anxiety to the oldest child: the “attentions of Mom and Dad will no longer be just for me! ”

So how do we manage this delicate moment? Let us consider together some advice that mothers have collected over the years.

Age and the Union of firstborn

If the firstborn is at least 5 years old, the arrival of a small brother/more will surely be easier, in fact, the independence achieved by the firstborn will be such that it will not cause particular jealousy problems and that you may also allow your child to take an active part in raising the young child. Moreover, with this age difference, even games and interests will be so different that they almost never get into conflict.

In the case of children who have different genders, coexistence will also be a little simpler in this case, in fact, interests and games will be almost entirely different, and confrontations will rarely occur about what owns a certain toy. But if the age difference is small, then jealousy will be 360 degrees, not only related to parental cares and attention, but also to games and spaces to separate.

Various stages of jealousy (statzia, birth days, and childbirth)

From the beginning of pregnancy to the early years of coexistence, at any moment there will be a need to accompany the firstborn through this change in the most natural way possible but always making him feel unique and loving. Let us look at the different moments of coming to life of the second child, what may be the most common attitudes, and what solutions to adopt.

During pregnancy

Preparing the first child for the arrival of a younger brother or sister is very important, in fact, the change should be perceived gradually and perhaps together.

Here are our advice to better manage the moments ahead of birth:

If your child is less than 2/3 years old, wait until you tell him. For a child, in fact, 9 months is equal to an eternity, and such a long wait will be unclear to him. You better wait until your belly is more obvious and tell your child that his younger brother / sister is growing up there.

Another fundamental thing is to maintain your daily rituals: Your children need security at the time of such a big change. Keep paying the same attention and play with it as always.

Include your child in preparation for birth, always according to his age. Even simple advice on room color and clothing to buy will be enough to make it feel important.

Explain to him that he too was in his mother's womb, so that he could learn to share something with the newborn and make him realize that there is no difference between him and the unborn child.

Birth Days

Make sure that when you are in the hospital, the child is surrounded by people whom he knows well and who give him all the attention he needs in those days.

As soon as the child is born, let your child visit you to the hospital. It is very important that he see where his younger brother/sister was born and immediately get involved in the coming change.

Thus, his innovation will be perceived more with curiosity than with fear. You can also tell him about his birth and explain that he had been there a few years ago and was born the same way.

Getting Home After Birth

When you return home with the newborn, you will surely notice a change in the attitude of the firstborn, but do not worry, it is normal!

To calm him down, try to keep him updated with the new arrangement in the family and make him realize that the little one will need specific attention, which is the same as he received earlier.

It's very important that at this stage you avoid making negative comparisons among children, such as “He's good, you're not...”, otherwise you're risking only competition and jealousy.

It will also be very important to set house rules for both parents and children.

For example, parents should be very careful not to perceive the changes in behavior between their children, trying to balance as much as possible the gestures of perfection and compliments between them.

While young ones will need to establish rules on spaces and which games belong to each of their children and who belong to them both. Also, try to avoid the reproach of the firstborn when he expresses his jealousy, but instead try to make him reflect on his gestures, giving him time to realize that he has no reason to be jealous because you love your two children the same way.

Remember, jealousy is a natural feeling and therefore should not be punished. Anyway, teach your child to interact with his brother/mortem and show him that he appreciates his heartfelt explosions. Then try to reserve at least one moment of the day for the firstborn, play with him, and give him exclusive attention.

If overexcessive demands or rigid behaviors, please them, but do not overindulge them. The child must realize that there are limits and that his younger brother's arrival does not justify his every whim.

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