Sex for the first time instead of pleasure, I feel sick and ashamed

I'm a 23-year-old woman and I just had sex for the first time. I pretended to be happy, but it was very inappropriate. I just wanted it to end, and I felt relieved because it didn't last long. Now I feel disgusted and ashamed. I don't want to try it again, but I don't know how to show my boyfriend that. We haven't met in a while, so I think it's a good time to end the relationship. We only get sick when I think he has to have sex again. Is it normal to feel that way?

It is perfectly normal for the first experience to be so inappropriate. But even some people, relatively experienced, say that they should have sex and enjoy it even when they are not ready or interested. Sometimes the pressure increases their friends, cultural beliefs, or perhaps what they see online. Please get rid of the idea that you have to behave in a certain way including disgusting experiences just to feel normal. You obviously don't want to be sexually all right now. Of course, they would not be happy even if you were dating. Take time and decide what you really want or don't want to fall under pressure from your friends or partners. Sex may be much better than your experience, but because of various causes, it may not always be satisfying. Listen to your intuition for now. Avoid situations that lead to feelings that you should always fulfill the expectations of others. The opportunity to have sex again only if you feel safe and drawn to others. Tell the boyfriends you've had sex with, you're not interested in repeating it anymore. His answer will tell you a lot about him.

Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a psychotherapue who specializes in treating sexual disorders.

This article is translated by Periscope, by prestigious British media “The Guardian”