Why I want my teenage daughter to have sex

My 10th class started with a question: Why Do People Have Sex?

The long and hard silence that followed was predictable but how my teacher answered her question was not.

Because sex is fun! ”

I've never forgotten how she said it, so full of enthusiasm. Looking back, I realize I didn't hear what she said as an approval or recommendation, but rather as a genuine, real, unique and positive assessment of the reality of sex. I've heard something I rarely hear in sexual education, which is that it's often amazing, beautiful, gentle, connected and wonderful, the Periscope broadcasts.

My kids are teenagers now. At some point they will enter the world of sexuality, but even after many of our talks on this subject, I'm not sure how prepared they are.

I've heard a radio show recently in which a 17-year-old girl wanted support to stay at her boyfriend's house, even though her parents had stopped her. The almost unanimous answer looked like: “When you're financially independent then you can sleep as much as you want. Until then you're under the roof of your parents and your parents' rules. ”

I understood logic, and I support my parents to act in harmony with their values. As a psychotherapist and mother of two teenage girls, however, I had a much different opinion.

We give our children, and especially our daughters a double message. We tell them their bodies are theirs and that they can say “not” when they're not feeling well, but we don't tell them that they also have to say “po” when it feels that way.

When our children have an interest in love, confrontation, or sexual feelings, we may want to protect them from their natural impulses and desires, and especially from the dangers and complications that could cause them. What if we supported them?

For example, here is the statement that I want my daughter to hear, loud and clear: Your body belongs to you and you can do anything with what you want. You have to say “not” when you don't want to do something, and “po” when you feel that way.

This is the letter I would write my daughter as she sails deeper and deeper in her teenage years:

Dear daughter,

Everyone will tell you about the dangers of sexuality: disease, rape, pregnancy and heartbreak. These are all vitally important. Everyone will tell you how to defend themselves, but what I want to talk to you is something different. I want to show you how sweet, intimate, and wonderful sexy it can be.

Sex is amazing and sex is powerful. As you know, people mostly have sex because they're connected and very satisfied, but I found that sex is not just one thing. Forgive the graphic image, but sex is not just insight. The word “sex” can highlight images of a person putting a penis in a vagina and yes, this is often a wonderful part of sex.

Sexuality lives in mind, in emotion, in our interrelated relationships. It is also on our fingertips, our hearts, and all over our bodies, including our genital organs.

I personally see sexuality as essentially linked to our life force. It's important to me that you feel completely free in your sexuality, as if to say “po”, and say “jo” for every aspect of it.

For me, sexual exploration was slow and considered, and I often preferred to do it in private, on my own, before I tried it with someone else.

You'll know what's right to prove and what's not, so I hope you'll trust yourself.

I want you to know that whoever you love, I am inclined to love him too. Please know he's always welcome to our house and you two may have the privacy you want. Although sexuality can all be very private from kissing sex, I never want you to feel like hiding or ashamed. It may be difficult as a teenager to find a quiet place to communicate with your girlfriend and I want you to know that your home is a place where you can do this anytime. He can be here, he can stay long, and he can sleep in your room when you want this. He's welcome this morning, just like any sleep you've had in the past.

I believe you and I'm here for you. I can talk about anything you want to talk about and not talk about anything, as you wish.

I'll follow your lead.

Finally, and I don't want to embarrass you, but I also feel so proud of you, just as I did when you first learned to ride or read or play at your school.

Welcome to being a young woman in another way.

I love you.

Mom/Periscopi/