Why do housework often cause contention?

The advice to survive in order at home and live in good harmony with one's mate

The bed for setting things straight, loading dishwasher, forgotten shoes in the middle of the living room: the task of reorganizing and cleaning the house is subject to endless disputes between partners and tensions that may in the long run damage the atmosphere of house calm and even undermine relationships.

However, all can be resolved with correct communication, with little good will and mutual attention: Here are some advice to maintain a clean and orderly home without breaking the relationship with a mate (or partner).

Delegating problem often reduces everything to a problem of proper communication and understanding. For example, if we had a difficult day at the office and the kitchen was left for washing, we imagine that this job automatically passes to the partner. But the partner, on the other hand, believes that we do not have communication with him - we just expect him to realize that his duty is his.

The partner, however, in the absence of a clear request on our part, does not carry out this task, which is why, in the late evening and with the kitchen still overturned, fights arise. Who's right? Both or none: he will argue that he cannot read our mind to know that he must clean up the kitchen, we will answer that these are not things to say, that work should be on the team and that we should not always stress everything.

This mechanism, in fact determined, is also studied by experts: it's called “ImaginativeDelegation”, and it pulls out one of the kind of disputes that is harder to get out of, because both are right.

Anyone who does what studies conducted on couples with a job outside of the home and who share chores and care for children shows that women are usually the ones who compile the task list, while the partner chooses from this list the tasks he feels he can (or wish) support.

In any case, in general, the task of keeping an eye on the general situation and knowing what needs to be done is a task women tend to bear more than their male partners. On the other hand, men hope to be grateful for their cooperation.

The snare of decisions -- the fact that the fact of taking responsibility for maintaining the general vision and “tank on what to do -- also implies the burden of deciding when to do something and properly.

If our partner, however, has an idea of what is meant by “building”, there is no point in expecting him to respect our reorganization and purity standards, or to require that he do things “also as we would have”. In brief, having the wheel of household chores is a two - edged sword: delegation of a job implies acceptance that it is carried out according to the mind and the criteria of the person to whom we have delegated the task.

With patience and tenderness we can enter into the details of a single task. In such cases, it is advisable to fill out a list of priorities and focus on the most important procedures without constantly bothering our auxiliary partner.

Doing things together as an alternative to sharing tasks, you can choose to do things together. Cleaning your kitchen, cleaning, or washing your living room glass can become less challenging and even more enjoyable if you do it with four hands.

Homework can become an opportunity to spend time together and share the care of the environment in which you live. In this case, you have to choose the right time of the day when you are present: you will surely avoid the unpleasant feeling of being alone at work, while the other stands in front of the TV (even if, perhaps, he has just finished cooking a meal for six people).

Reviewing standards means keeping a clean and neat house does not mean living in a disinfected room or transforming rooms into Zen gardens.

The house must be lived and inhabited with imagination, even if this involves a moderate amount of confusion. Absolute perfection is not of this world, especially if it involves fatigue, stress, and anxiety about performance. With all due respect to few terrorist methods against law fanatics