German parents, how they raise their children

It is rare to see smiling faces on the Berlin trains. Because of an unwritten rule, everyone is silent with their view straight across S-Bahns and U-Bahns, passing over and down the city. If you see people talking, the odds are they're tourists. And if they're not just talking and laughing, the odds of being Americans.

On a gray sky day in Berlin, my daughter, Sophia, and I were talking and laughing a lot in an S-Bahn full of silent German passengers. My daughter was two and a half years old, but she stopped talking. We had recently come to Berlin, and everything was new to her.

I was looking carefully at this elderly lady in front of us, and while I was thinking about the right words to express a sympathy for the noise we were causing, The unexpected thing happened: She laughed.

Finally, I said to myself, someone who understands how adorable my daughter is. Then, The lady opened her bag and took out a candy. She didn't even look at me, she put out her hand to direct Sophia.

I panicked. I never told Sophie that she shouldn't trust strangers.

In my midst, opposing impulses were severely encountered: Pull Sophia out of the cabin? Or would I pretend to be calm and kind to a stranger who had just made a kind gesture?

Sophia turned and gave the candy to me, a big smile on her face. I allowed logic and courtesy to prevail: this German grandmother was clearly not trying to grab my child, and there was no chance that any razor cutters could be hidden in such a small piece of candy. I took her from Sophia, took the wrapping off her, and gave it back to my daughter. She put the candy in her mouth and, surprisingly, she did not die!

This experience taught me two things: For one thing, the Berlinese did not know the concept of risk “from strangers”. And second, my impression that the Germans were relaxed, unfriendly and harsh with children could be incorrect.

As I would learn over the next eight years in Berlin, many who knew things about the Germans were wrong especially the methodics they pursue to raise children.

When my daughter turned three years old, we invited a family we knew on a picnic near the neighborhood park. It was a sunny spring day, and the park was given beauty by all that tall greenery. We picked a drop near a playing field inside the park that had a stone wall across the street. The two children of our friends asked to go to the playing field.

“Other”, Their mother told them.

“should I go too?” Sophia asked me. I agreed, and the three of them ran, two three-year-old girls, and a five-year-old boy. They disappeared behind the wall, out of sight. Nothing else moved. Their mother started preparing dishes on the picnic floor. Her husband was talking to me about setting the barbeque. With that feeling of losing something, I stood up. “Uhm... I'll go,” I told him.

“Oh!” The other mother told me. They're good. They play here all the time. ”

“Maybe Sofia needs help,” I told him and headed for the children.

Even today, I remember how strange I felt at the time that these parents did not sit behind their children in the field. Then I saw all the other kids playing unforgettable games, and their parents enjoyed the picnic out there talking to each other and the kids went and came and came.

That was a normal thing in Berlin.

The parents did not stand as a shadow next to the children in the field, most of whom were with structures like large wooden vessels or metal pyramid towers they were more dangerous than our typical buildings. In Berlin, school - age children also go to school, park, and shop alone, or associate only with a friend or friend.

Parents rarely interfere in their children's games, not even when they fight with each other, preferring that they find their own solution.

All this is part of a general culture of this country called sebstandiggeetieither Self-sufficient.

German parents believe that independence is good for children, that self - control is a necessary part of growth.

This means that they trust their children increasingly in tasks as they grow older and observe them less and less. Even children there are entitled from an early age to decide for themselves on certain matters, including whether a candy should be accepted by an elderly lady on a train or not.

FU A STEREOTIP

That image of the strict German parent, authoritarian, super strict, and punishative has disappeared since the country's de-Naziisation process ended, so not only the Nazis, but also any kind of mentality associated with him was rejected by modern German, including child education.

KU LT U n COTROLE RA

I have always thought of myself as a relaxed parent, but life in Berlin taught me how much I had learned wrong from the parenting model in my country.

We have created what we can call the culture of control. In the name of security and academic achievements, we have stripped children of the fundamental rights of freedom: freedom to travel, to stay alone, even for a few minutes, to take a swing, play, think about ourselves, and it is not that parents are the only ones doing this. It's the whole culture as a whole.

The Importance of German Parenthood in Children's Life

We can't pretend that we value freedom unless we give our children a chance to experience it.

T Um... KESH A CHILD A GERMANY

Kitas: In Germany they call it an abnormality to be a mother who is at home with her children, 92% of all children there from the age of 0.5, they're taken to what's called a kitas, which is a cut for guitars, or the child's care center, which shouldn't be confused with Kindergard, which is preschool nests, that's the other thing.

Hebammen: Being a pregnant woman in Germany means that it's not doctors who give you primary health care, but they're assistants (<x0). “midwive”, midwife) those who care for pregnancy are both in the hospital and at home. They're real professionals, specifically educated, and in fact, they don't allow themselves to dictate to a pregnant woman what they have to do, their primary mission is to inform them about how much care they care for the baby before birth, doctors show up on stage unless there are complications at birth.

Krankenhaus: In Berlin, women who want children to give birth do not necessarily have to go to maternity ward, they may give birth to a baby at home or to a clinic near their neighborhood, as long as they predominate a preliminary census near a hospital so that if there are complications they can offer their support.

Babies in Berlin: At post-natal time another assistant is appointed (<x0). And if mothers do not have a family member or relative to help with household work and after birth, these things in the German state cover insurance, so they may require short-term assistance in this support.

PROBLEMET ♪

When I went to conduct a medical examination early in 12 months after I had given birth to my younger son, the pediatrics took a look at me and told me You're not okay, you need help! ”

I fully agreed. I do not remember it well, but I had a fatigue, fatigue, and continued to feel exhausted for several months. He took out the prescription block and assigned me a consultant with a sleep specialist. My sleep specialist Cathrin began her consultations with systematic visits to our apartment.

She asked me detailed questions about the little boy's behavior, and she wanted to know in particular what happens when I tell the boy “if he's looking for something freakish.

“Aha, I know exactly what happens”I told her. He cries and groans on the floor. ”

Catherine raised her eyebrows. She left me a note.The first thing we need to do is we'll teach your son a little bit over the day to accept the word “no! ”

Catherine gave me specific advice as well as how I should tell my child “I had to say it in a soft voice, never in a double voice, and if he broke out crying, I should never have intervened right away, but I had to leave him a few moments and look at him. I could step in to comfort him only after he stopped crying without getting what he wanted.

So, gradually, my sneaky son began to soften and not break out in tears. I reported the success of the Cathrin method, and she said that we should now focus on the real problem: your sleep at night.

I have noticed something else in Germany.I met parents who told me that their children would go to bed on their own to sleep without any problems. An 18 - month - old mother told me that the girl would go to bed on her own.

Another occasion, while I was taking the afternoon coffee to my friend's house, she apologized for her baby's sleep. She came back to me in five minutes! I was waiting for the screams and cries to begin from the next room. But none of this happened. “Did you fall asleep?”I asked him with disbelief.

“%s She told me. But he'll catch it in a minute. He's tired! ”

“I said to myself.

But it was not unusual. In fact, it is part of a tradition of parents in Germany who encourage their babies to find comfort with themselves.