23 year old girl wants to marry 48? Psychologist Answers

Daddy's dilemma: I have a 23-year-old daughter, but her mother and I separated when she was seven because of her betrayal. I keep seeing my daughter regularly and she's very close to her mother and the other two children we have.

My daughter didn't have the right boyfriend until the late adolescence. Last week I realized that my daughter's boyfriend is older than she, he's 48 years old. He is married and has two children who are getting ready to leave to commit exclusively to my daughter.

I am equally angry, shocked, ashamed and desperate. Her boyfriend's older than my wife, she's 46 and I'm 55. My daughter wants me to meet this man, but I'm very upset and angry that a person at this age can behave this way, writes theuardia, broadcast Express.

How can I treat this? I'm embarrassed, and I can't discuss it with my best friends.

Psychologist answers: I feel your pain. Even though I don't think there's room to worry about. Your responsibility was to raise him and teach him how to get the best he could.

At 23 she may be romantically naive, but she's an adult. Your situation is a parental nightmare, but not the most unusual scenario. She is certainly not the first young girl to fall in love with a mature married man.

Right now I think your biggest mistake is taking your daughter's actions personally. Words like “are embarrassed, ashamed and terrified” suggest that your immediate concern is not with her happiness, but with the way her choice reflects on you. In many ways, his age is less disturbing than the family he will abandon.

I'm worried that your answer may be more rooted in your ex-wife's betrayal than in your daughter's welfare.

It's a credible explanation why almost two decades later you still feel the desire to mention and shame your wife's treachery as a catalyst for divorce. Unresolved pain and anger can push you toward your entrenched opposition.

I solidify with the emotions you describe, but only the desperate “” is useful at the moment. It can give you the incentive to overcome your instincts and swallow your pride, transmit your Express.

The refusal to meet the man she thinks she loves is wrong. Love can be blind, so you meet a long and difficult look at the person she has fallen. There is nothing more convincing in youth than a choice your parents don't approve of.

Most epic romances begin with difficult families that force lovers in each other's arms. Let's start with Romeo and Juliet and continue from there. There are many successful relationships between partners of different ages. It may create challenges, but who will say they are greater than the cultural or religious divisions which are regularly overcome?

Its choice of a partner is not your fault, but I know from personal experience that losing a father's presence in a formal age may leave a void.

Your goal should be to create an environment where a calm and rational discussion can be reached about its own responsibilities. Try to support your daughter while she negotiates in this unstable emotional environment.

Most importantly, isolate what is happening now from your relationship story. The past is a foreign country, so old wounds are not sustained when the future may still be different.